Currently ADHD: A Survival Guide for Parents and Teachers By Richard A. Lougy, David K. Rosenthal see related

I wonder if I should continue this blog.  I originally got on to converse with friends and only one still blogs.  And now I either have nothing to say or no time to write about it.  I used to enjoy chatting with others and reading their blogs but now ... and yet I'm not that thrilled with facebook.

I am wrestling with a number of personal & spiritual issues right now.  My ADHD boy is driving me insane and I really struggle to enjoy him.  He requires constant managing and is defiant and self-pitying. I feel sorry for myself because I don't want parenting to be this hard.  I resent feeling trapped by him - my husband and I cannot even go out on a date because each time we do my eldest daughter ends up in tears because he won't mind her.

I also feel like we're/I'm failing as parents.  Both my boys are complaining about scouts.  Do we just let them quit? The younger hasn't given us any reason to quit except that it is boring, which isn't a reason that works for me.  He is supposed to go to cub scout camp in 3 weeks and I can't wait, but he is resentful. I feel that for him, scouts is no longer fun because it now requires work and for ADHD kids mental effort is avoided. And yet I feel camp would be an adventure and he loves adventure. For my elder son he wants to be close to home always which is why I wanted him to learn to be away from me.  AND he quits everything he starts which is not how I was raised.  Also, I find that when they don't have these things to do, the only thing they want to do is play video games and watch tv - again, not something I support.

My daughter I am trying to get into a tennis camp to give her a chance at going out for high school tennis in the fall. Unfortunately there is nothing where we live, so this will involve large amounts of driving for me. Are we doing too much? I wasn't involved with all these extracurriculars when I was younger, but I was constantly playing with neighborhood friends and being active and creative on my own.  Life isn't like that much anymore.

And when I am feeling down on myself I pull away.  I want to read more - escape books, not good ones, although I have read a couple good books on ADHD. I don't pray as often and I find myself extremely short-tempered. I snap at the kids and then feel even worse about myself. I desire change in my head, but the inertia of lethargy is dragging me down.  I am finding that everything inspires anger inside me - not that I let it all show. But I don't really want to examine where it is coming from - out of fear perhaps at the answer.  We have an appointment to take younger son to a Christian psychiatrist in a month and I am afraid of finding out that it's all my fault. I know I've mishandled him and not been patient. He can set me off with a look.  I just want a quick fix and that's not how life works!